Irritable Engineer

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

This is what you get

When you give Google your personal information. Emails targeting me, simply because I just turned 50 years old. They ignored the fact that I am married.
Oh well, if you are interested.

UGA's Caleb King Jailed

This is the eleventh player arrested since March.
The sixth on alcohol related charges.
Do I detect a lack of control?

UGA's Caleb King jailed for failure to appear on speeding charge Â | ajc.com

Election 2010: Georgia Governor

It is unfortunate that the Governor Barnes' family was involved in a car accident this weekend. Reports are that he is temporarily suspending the campaign. Wish them well.
Still hope he looses, and it looks like more voters are coming to the same conclusion.
Election 2010: Georgia Governor

Medical

Compliments of a coworker....

ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy' s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies...

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'
'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
'Can you hear me NOW?'
'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

Election 2010: Nevada Senate

Angle has a 4 point lead, 50-46, in the most current polling by Scott Rasmussen.
Just sent off a little more money, cannot afford a lot. Reid has to go, even if the Dems retain the majority in the Senate, his defeat should more the party to the center. Unless of course President Obama asserts a greater leadership role via Joe Biden.

Election 2010: Nevada Senate

MegaVote: GA 13th, 10/4/2010

It looks like little man Scott voted with the crowd last week.

Let's hope that the last of the money he votes to spend.

Congress.org (congress.org) presents: M E G A V O T E
October 4, 2010

In this MegaVote for Georgia's 13th Congressional District:

Recent Congressional Votes -
* Senate: Continuing Appropriations Act, 2011
* House: NASA Authorization Act of 2010
* House: Continuing Appropriations Act, 2011

Editor's Note:
The House is in recess until Monday, November 15, 2010. The Senate will hold a series of pro forma sessions over the next month.

Recent Senate Votes:
Continuing Appropriations Act, 2011
http://capwiz.com/congressorg/issues/votes/?votenum=247&chamber=S&congress=1112
Vote Passed (69-30, 1 Not Voting)

The Senate passed this measure funding government operations through December 3, 2010. The 2011 fiscal year began on October 1, 2010 with none of the annual spending bills completed. The House passed the measure a short time later and President Obama signed it into law on September 30.
Sen. Saxby Chambliss voted NO
Sen. Johnny Isakson voted NO

Recent House Votes:
NASA Authorization Act of 2010
http://capwiz.com/congressorg/issues/votes/?votenum=561&chamber=H&congress=1112
Vote Passed (304-118, 10 Not Voting)
The House gave final approval to this bill authorizing $58.4 billion in NASA spending over the next three fiscal years. The president is expected to sign the bill which largely follows the administrations plan for NASA.
Rep. David Scott voted YES

Continuing Appropriations Act, 2011
http://capwiz.com/congressorg/issues/votes/?votenum=564&chamber=H&congress=1112
Vote Passed (228-194, 10 Not Voting)
The House gave final approval to this measure funding government operations through December 3, 2010. The 2011 fiscal year began on October 1, 2010 with none of the annual spending bills completed. The president signed it into law on September 30.
Rep. David Scott voted YES

MegaVote is powered by the CQ-Roll Call Group (http://corporate.cqrollcall.com) Copyright (c) 2010.

UGA engineering plan may challenge Tech's turf Â | ajc.com

No doubt Athens will offer a rigorous course.
It just doesn't seem right.

UGA engineering plan may challenge Tech's turf Â ajc.com

Investigate Racism in the Obama Justice Department - Andrew C. McCarthy - National Review Online

An excellent article describing how Department of Justice condoned Black Panther intimidation in Pennsylvania. DOJ officials have testified that there was not official policy in this issue but this has been refuted adn now confirmed. Condoned because reverse discrimination is not traditional discrimination.

Investigate Racism in the Obama Justice Department - Andrew C. McCarthy - National Review Online

When You Marry a Southern Girl

This was compliments of some co-workers….

Do make any chauvinistic demands of my wife, though I am sure she is way to nice to beat the crap out of me.

Three friends married women from different parts of the country.

The first man married a woman from Wisconsin . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Minnesota . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from the South. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Justin Bieber is 51?

It couldn't be true.
He's too cute to be that bad.

Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile

Really, I must be getting really old, this kid reminds me of Donny Osmond 38 years ago.