Ovair

Definition:        In that direction

In Use:            "Where's you Daddy son?"

                        "He's ovair, suh."

Right Smart

Right smart is defined as a goodly amount.

"She's put on a right smart of weight lately."

Cent

Cent is the plural of cent.

"You paid fifty dollars for that necktie? Ah wouldn't give 50 cent for it."

Jevver

Did you ever.

In context:

"Jevver hear anything so dumb in your life?"

Idinit

 Term used by genteel southerners who wish to avoid saying "Ain't". 

To put in context.

"Mighty hot today, idinit?"

Dustin Ought to Love This

Sometimes, in the South, you find a backwards niche.
NRA-ILA | Report: City of Atlanta Illegally Stockpiling Seized Guns
Yes, Atlanta, a capitol city ignoring the laws of it's own state.
Georgia is conservative southern state, but he mayor takes his cue from the President.
No doubt if this goes to court you will see Department of Justice supporting Kasim Reed and the other members of the latest Atlanta city council cabal.

Wildman's

Two weekends ago I had some free time for a motorcycle ride and took the opportunity to travel up to Kennesaw Georgia to visit the Civil War Surplus store. I was able to meet the famous Mr. Dent in full regalia, two holstered pistols. The nice young lady behind the cash register was similarly armed, though I did notice until after another patron asked a question about her firearm.
I found Mr. Dent to be reasonable enough, perhaps somewhat over the top, but nice.
Couldn't find anything I wanted to purchase.

Check out his website.  I especially like the the Lay-A-Wake plan.
Check it out, things like this do last forever.

Southern Things

American born, Southern by the Grace of God
Southerners know their summer weather report: Humidity and heat Humidity and more heat Humidity and endless heat
Southerners know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh The crick
Southerners know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shuga Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind
Southerners know their religions: Bapdiss Methdiss Football
Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna
Southerners know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly." Even
Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, and y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain't right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your little heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah! There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north, nobody would buy the magazine!
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Snotty

How about this…..

“That thing was slicker than a second grader's shirt sleeve.”

The expression took me only a moment to break down and comprehend.

Nowadays, I do the thumb thing.

North and South

The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained....
The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, the South has .45's
The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races; the South has stock car races.
North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH......
In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy food at this store.
Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store7. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:  If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits. 

Guess I am out….

Thank you sf.

We'll End Up a' Sittin' on a Rainbow

Yesterday on the way to work I heard this song on Sirius's "Roadhouse". The lyrics are unique to say the least. A John Prine written song, about a couple if love, sung with Iris Dement called "In Spite of Ourselves".



Here are the lyrics, robbed from Cowboy Lyrics.com.

In Spite of Ourselves

She don't like her eggs all runny

She thinks crossin' her legs is funny

She looks down her nose at money

She gets it on like the Easter Bunny

She's my baby I'm her honey

I'm never gonna let her go

He ain't got laid in a month of Sundays

I caught him once and he was sniffin' my undies

He ain't too sharp but he gets things done

Drinks his beer like it's oxygen

He's my baby

And I'm his honey

Never gonna let him go

In spite of ourselves

We'll end up a'sittin' on a rainbow

Against all odds

Honey, we're the big door prize

We're gonna spite our noses

Right off of our faces

There won't be nothin' but big old hearts

Dancin' in our eyes.

She thinks all my jokes are corny

Convict movies make her horny

She likes ketchup on her scrambled eggs

Swears like a sailor when shaves her legs

She takes a lickin'

And keeps on tickin'

I'm never gonna let her go.

He's got more balls than a big brass monkey

He's a wacked out werido and a lovebug junkie

Sly as a fox and crazy as a loon

Payday comes and he's howlin' at the moon

He's my baby I don't mean maybe

Never gonna let him go

In spite of ourselves

We'll end up a'sittin' on a rainbow

Against all odds

Honey, we're the big door prize

We're gonna spite our noses

Right off of our faces

There won't be nothin' but big old hearts

Dancin' in our eyes.

There won't be nothin' but big old hearts

Dancin' in our eyes.

(spoken) In spite of ourselves

 

Have always considered Prine to be an excellent singer songwriter who has received little acclaim. Very much enjoyed his work with the Cowboy Junkies.

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Ole Miss song banned over controversial chant

A few years ago OSHA made Georgia Tech reduce the decibels on its steam whistle. This whistle was like that of a mill town, something the whole community becomes accustomed to, grows to love and rely on. But some government sob decided that eardrums might be hurt so precedent and rituals be damned, turn down the volume. Now the whitle sounds like something like a gagged cat having its balls crushed. These are the ways that government makes our life uniform with others, blurring lines of differentiation. If they make everybody the same, then everything they do is fair, no matter how destructive.


Now the school has a new president, his last seat was at the University of Colorado Boulder. Colorado is a fine liberal state school that had to be forced by the state legislature to fire a professor who publicly blamed 911 on us. From what I see of Tech’s new president’s actions, the school’s rich social fraternal tradition is at risk.

In Oxford, a school with rich tradition, and illustrious graduates. A game day tradition is being stripped, one that is not overtly antagonistic or destructive.

Ole Miss song banned over controversial chant

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Stop the liberal march toward bland lifestyle.  To risk offense is to enjoy life.

Students and fans, keep singing your song, play on the boom boxes, scream it from Faulkner's home.

Southern Frugality

A woman walks into the newspaper office in Alabama to have an obituary written for her recently deceased husband. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.

She pauses and reflects, then says, "OK, let it read, 'Billy Bob died.'"

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor replies, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries."

A tad flustered, she ponders for a few seconds and then remarks, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'"

Is That A Compliment?

For the second time, yesterday morning, my boss's boss, impressed with my solution to a problem said...

That John has a head on him like a bastard cat.

Now I know from checking after the first time that this is a compliment, but being an insecure sort it is a compliment that triggers the thought that it is an insult. If anybody has heard this before could you please tell me what the origin is?

Mullet

"Business in the front, party in the back."

Jeff Foxworthy

YA Hoo

There is no correct spelling. The first part is pronounced with a long A sound, like the word day. The second part is pronounced like the word who. This should not be confused with the universal expression "yeah hoo", an exclamation of happiness or excitement.

YA Hoo is a derogatory term used in southern speech to identify a dumb assed person. Here is a good example of a man that could safely be called a YA Hoo.

A Kansas man found out that giving a police officer a “wet willie” after his arrest for public intoxication was not such a good idea. 38-year-old Louis Perales picked up an additional charge of assault and battery on an officer after he put his finger in his mouth and then stuck it in the officer’s ear.

Not dissimilar, found that the word ya'hoo was used in Jonathan Swift's book "Gulliver's Travels" to describe a very ill-mannered person. The Yahoos have human forms and vicious tendencies. In this story the Yahoos are subject to the Houyhnhnms, horses that possess human reason.

Here Comes the Insult

Bless her heart.

• This is a precondition statement, aimed at softening the following derogatory comment.
• Example for the ladies "Bless her heart. She doesn't have enough sense to get out of the rain".
• Or for the masculine, "Bless his heart. He's so ugly he'd run a dog off a meat wagon."
• This is one that my wife and I seem to be saying a lot lately.

Not Likely

It might grow on a chicken's ass!

• Heard this morning when an employee was trying to explain to his foreman that the given instructions were not likely to succeed.

Not A Good Idea

Our local scrap man, Mr. Ammons, has a hair brained idea to build a hunting lodge out of metal storage containers. Gordia (pronounced Gordy) told me what his brother had to say about his idea.

He said I was goin out da world backerds.

• In other words, his brother was telling him he was crazy. I can sit and talk to this man for hours, every time I come away with trinket of his Mississippi roots.

Greetings

Returned from Boston yesterday afternoon. It took till lunchtime today before I felt home. While retrieving my chicken fillet combination I was greeted with an smile and:

How are you today punkin?

This is close to the more musical:

What would you like for lunch today, shoougga?

Which reminds me, surely this is regional quaintness:

Long story short.

Which translated means "getting to the point", in negotiation this is a statement qualifier, whatever comes after means the opposite. This is a statement that Yankee's make after they've already given you the long story. Effectively, you get both the long and short versions of the story.