Dumb Assed Celebrity Quotations

I saw Mariah Carey once at the airport in Atlanta, she ain't that skinny, and mean as a snake looking to boot...

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.

Mariah Carey

What do you expect from the poor girl, the question is pretty damned stupid in the first place.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever; then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.

Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

I hate this pompous little fucker...

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.

Matt Lauer

On NBC's Today show

Great moments in New York politics...

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

David Dinkins, 

New York City Mayor

Answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

I think that at this point she had a future playing lesbians on television...

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields

Spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

My neighbor is a die hard Kentucky basketball fan, even he would have to admit that Winston might be a cigarette or two short of a full pack....

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.

Winston Bennett

University of Kentucky basketball forward

Great moments in DC politics...

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Mayor Marion Barry

Great moments in Illinois bureaucracy...

Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued.
Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976.

Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid

Great moments in Federal politics...

Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history.this century's history. We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this 20th century. 

Dan Quayle, 

Indiana Senator

If only Obama's little terrier Rahm Emanual has heard this said Chicago legislation may have been advanced even closer autocratic unconstitutionality...

Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.

Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"

Great moments in the city of brotherly love...

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.

Frank Rizzo

Ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

This man has the ear of the President...

I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly under-polluted.

Lawrence Summers

Chief economist of the World Bank

Explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries

After finding no persons qualified, I appoint, a politician...

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.

Philip Streifer

Superintendent of Schools

Barrington, Rhode Island

You used to see Dizzy Dean charcoal for sale, wonder what happened to that. This surely was said as playful provocation, fits the man's character....

The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

Dizzy Dean

Explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series

Where is VA Hospital Scandal?

The executive administration is lucky that this issue was overcome by newer hot topics such as the unrest in the middle east. As to this people ought to be going to jail, there is evidence and admissions that records were falsified for the purpose of improving statistic linked to pay bonuses.
Bonuses were paid, that is theft.
Other issues also remain unsolved.

1. IRS illegal investigations
2. Keystone Pipeline
3. Benghazi investigation
4. Fast and Furious investigation
5. Vote tampering in Mississippi 

What About That VA Hospital Scandal?
Some of these bureaucrats and politicians need to be in jail feeling the daily grind of getting abused and having to shut up and take it.

ISIS Stooge Fired

Last week, Yasmina Haifi, an official at the Dutch National Coordinator for Security and Counterterrorism tweeted the following....

"ISIS has nothing to do with Islam. It is a preconceived plan of Zionists who want to deliberately make Islam look bad."

The tweet was deleted but it did not save her job. She claimed that the statement was based on research she did on the internet.
Dutch Official Calls ISIS 'A Zionist Plot'
Sure enough there are plenty of opinions out there, misleading public accusations, abetted by a media cabal that general sides with the illogical. To call anything collected on the internet as research, study or whatever reveals a shallowness that is astounding, and unfortunately prevalent.
If someone broke into your house and molested your family, you wouldn't be calling the intruder a victim, would you? That is an accurate equivalent.
It is baffling to me that women can support the militaristic, barbaric policies of ISIS.

Does the Back Seat Have A Plastic Cover? or Taxi Part II

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.
The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked
woman before?"
The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady  I vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from."
The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what are you doing then?"
He paused a moment, then told her...

check the first comment

Me, I'm Riding In My Taxi

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi.
Cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.  But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.  But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never question  her even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

check the first comment

Run This Up The Flagpole

In Amsterdam, a neighborhood ravaged by the Nazis, racism grows.

Krugerplein, Again

Don't both with the arguments fashionable in Europe, prevalent in Spain, that the state if Israel is guilty of some sort of apartheid when the Palestinians and allies offer absolutely no tolerance to anything not Islamic.

Israel would be happy to be left alone and would treat all within its borders fairly, the Palestinians want Israel eliminated.

Stop, leave them alone and you will reach equilibrium quickly.

Supporting Hamas Is Anti-Semitic

Alan Dershowitz has not been a man I've agreed with often, lately though, completely.

Supporting Hamas iis/i Anti-Semitic

Check it out.

Bosnian Affirmative Action

More relics from the past found in my desk.

The former mayor of Atlanta opines, to the Atlanta Journal and Constitution suggesting....

When I look at Bosnia, and see Serbs and Croatians and Muslims, and Orthodox and Jews, not able to live together, it's because they've never worked out a program of affirmative action that assured everyone a place in society.

Besides the errors in diction, mixed tense application, and ignorance of what society means, Mr. Young has yet failed to grasp that Affirmative Action is in itself promotes of racism by taking from the perceived oppressor and transferring to the claim afflicted.

Almost Par

I just resigned from a company that I gave over thirty years of continuous service. Cleaning out my desk revealed a collection of many cartoons and newsworthy scraps collected. This was from Newsweek magazine during the summer of 2000.  So much has happened since.

To quote..

He shot a ninety. At the end of the game, his scorecard said eighty-four.

Bryce Molder

Mr. Molder is now part of the PGA Tour, a popular player by all accounts, and a family man.
Bill Clinton is still dishonest.

Picnic at My House

Some friends at work thought it would be fun to have some at my expense.
So, they organized a picnic with some fictitious events, sort of like the Ledbetter Olympics.
I just left that company after 30+ years of service, going to miss that fun group a great deal.