Entries from a Michigan Diary

Haven't ever been to Michigan myself, and after this think that I need to wait until summer.  Sounds a lot like Minnesota.

December 8th - 6:00AM
It started snowing: the first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching this beautiful soft flakes float placidly down all over the area. What a lovely sight to behold.

December 9th 
We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub was covered by a beautiful mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. So exhilarating! I shoveled both the driveway and the sidewalks. Later a snow plow came by and covered our sidewalks and part of the driveway, so I shoveled it once again.

December 11th
The sun melted all of our lovely snow. Oh well, I am sure we will get some more before this lovely winter is through.

December 12th
It snowed 10 inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20 below zero. I went utside and shoveled the driveway and the sidewalks. The snow plow came through once again and did it's trick again.

December 13th 
It snowed another 8 inches late night. I went out once again to shovel. The plow came by again and you guessed it! So I shoveled again. Pondering the thought of selling the station wagon and getting a 4 x 4.

December 14th
Well it is still snowing. It snowed another 6 inches last night. I sold the station wagon today and bought a 4 x 4 Blazer so I now came drive in the snow. Bought snow tires for my wife's car.

December 16th 
It stopped snowing , now we have freezing rain. Went outside and fell on my ass on the driveway. All that was hurt were by feelings.

December 17th 
Stopped raining. The temperature is 28 below zero, and it is starting to snow again.

December 18th
Still colder than a "Well Digger's Ass" (22 below in the a.m.) and the icy roads make for tough driving.

December 20th 
We had another 14 inches of white shit last night. More shoveling in store for me today. The god damn snow plow came by twice today.

December 22nd 
We will be assured of a white Christmas because 13 more inches of that damn shit fell today and with the freezing f_ _ king weather it probably won't melt until August. I got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, longjohns, snowmobile suit, scarf, earmuffs, hat, goggles and gloves), then I got the urge to piss.

December 23rd 
I was going to go ice-fishing today but the f_ _ king worms froze and I didn't want the fish to break their teeth on my f _ _ king bait.

December 24th 
If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that god damn snow plow, I'll drag his bare ass naked through the snow by his balls. I think the bastard hides around the corner and waits until I'm finished shoveling and then comes down the street at 100 f _ _ king miles per hour, just to see how far we can throw that white shit back on to my lawn and driveway.

December 25th 
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! HO f _ _ king HO! The weather man predicts 20 more inches of this white Bullshit. I wonder if they know just how many f _ _ king shovels full of this white shit 20 inches really is? Assholes!!!! F _ _ k Santa, he doesn't have to bust his balls shoveling this shit. He has his f _ _ king elves do it for him. The show plow driver came by today and asked for a donation for Toy for Tots. I wrapped him so hard up side his f _ _ king head with my snow shovel, it will be f _ _ cking Christmas in July before the son-of-a-bitch remembers his name.

December 26th 
Guess who and the F _ _ k got 28 inches of snow last night? I think that I'm going blind or getting severe cabin fever because the wife is starting to look really fine to me!

December 27th 
It is so damn cold, the damn toilet froze last night. If you go outside don't eat the yellow or the brown snow.

December 28th 
It was so f _ _ king cold last night all the water pipes froze. I should probably sell f _ _kin' tickets to the neighbors so they can ice skate in my living room.

December 29th 
I set fire to the f _ _ kin' house, now I want to see that white bullshit cling to my roof!!!


thank you Mr. Dick Gehrett

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